Well, I just got done writing Lehigh to tell them I won't be going there after all. Kristen and I were up most of the night discussing this, but mostly discussing our future together (or not). I have been selfish in wanting to go to Mississippi, because it suits my needs and ambitions better, and I didn't consider what she wanted to do first. I should have offered to just go wherever she wanted to go (that'd be Lehigh), but instead I put me first. It's so hard to know what to do. We don't know if we're going to work out, so why should she come to Mississippi (where she'd rather not go), and why should I go to Lehigh (where I'd rather not go). I guess we're both not completely confident enough about the relationship to commit to that sort of thing. I don't know... I'd try to explain, but it's all very personal, and we haven't really got it figured out. How it stands now is I'm going to Mississippi, and she may/may not be coming with me. I feel so selfish about it. I hope it's the right thing to do.
Despite how this all sounds, I'm very excited to go to Mississippi, it's just the possibility of losing her in the process that scares the crap out of me.
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